The Spur of the Moment: Harry Kane

Man City 1 Wolves 0

We worried about City’s prospects against a surging Wolves side that left the relegation battle behind for the greener pastures of midtable obscurity.

But City needed only a goal from their departing talisman, Kevin De Bruyne, to secure victory at the Etihad and take a massive step toward not only Champions League qualification but—whispers—second place. Truth be told, Wolves were the more threatening side. They hit the woodwork twice, and a Bellegarde cross for Munetsi—with the goal gaping—was ever so slightly overhit.

But these are the margins in the Premier League. For Pep’s side, those margins are the difference between their most calamitous season in years and a highly respectable finish.

Let’s pour one out for Wolves’ heroic seven-match unbeaten run and six-game winning streak, both snapped against City. They served their purpose, ensuring another season in England’s top flight for Wolverhampton and another year of that delightful orange for our eyeballs.

Aston Villa 1 Fulham 0

A 12th-minute header from Youri Tielemans was the lone goal in this gloomy affair, which sees Aston Villa prolong their quest to return to the Champions League. The victory brings them within three points of fifth, with a fixture list that includes a challenging game against Bournemouth and cakewalks against Premier League doormats Tottenham and United.

Fulham found the back of the net through the resurgent Ryan Sessegnon, but Sessegnon handled the ball before lashing home, negating the goal. Though their campaign has featured its moments in the sun, the Cottagers have lost six of their last ten; they had lost just six of their first 25.

Leicester City 2 Southampton 0

Ruud van Nistelrooy’s side has looked worse—if that’s possible—than Southampton for significant stretches this season, so the prospect of a visit to the King Power should’ve buoyed the Saints’ spirits. Surely, this fixture would represent a golden opportunity to move clear of Derby County’s historic incompetence.

Surely not.

Jamie Vardy opened the scoring in the 17th minute, but that would not be his most memorable contribution to the game. The departing striker added a final chapter to his enigmatic Premier League lore, blowing the referee’s whistle after he had fallen down injured.

Betting odds would rank Vardy and Emi Martinez as the heavy favorites to blow the official’s whistle, multiples clear of anybody else in the league.

The win is Leicester’s first since January, ensuring the Foxes will finish in second-to-last and avoid slipping into the mire of historic suckdom.

The news is bad for Southampton, who face City (challenging for Champions League), Everton (last match at Goodison), and Arsenal (potentially slipping into a fight for second) in their final three fixtures. Can they find a solitary point?

Everton 2 Ipswich Town 2

The Saints will take heart from already-relegated Ipswich Town’s ability to steal a point at Goodison from a losing position.

Down 2-0 after goals from Beto and Dwight McNeil, the Tractor Boys admirably rallied. Julio Enciso, who is Calhanoglu-like in his ability to only score bangers, unleashed a howitzer to reduce the arrears.

Omari Hutchinson found the head of George Hirst for the equalizer in the 79th minute to deliver a feel-good moment for Ipswich before they return to depths below.

Everton only need to beat the joint-worst team in Premier League history to ensure a happy ending for Goodison Park, their home since 1892. They’re definitely going to drop points, huh?

Bournemouth 2 Arsenal 1

Martin Odegaard cut the Cherries’ defense open, sending Declan Rice through on goal in the 34th minute. Rice capably rounded Kepa to put the Gunners ahead 1-0 at the Emirates. Given that Bournemouth had never beaten Arsenal there, that lead should’ve been safe.

But Bournemouth’s Dean Huijsen doesn’t think about such things. After all, he’s just a chill guy, and he coolly headed home from an Antoine Semenyo throw-in to equalize.

Antoine Semenyo, not just a clinical finisher, but apparently a human bazooka as well.

Eight minutes later, a ball headed on by Marcus Tavernier from a corner found the stomach of Evanilson, glancing into the Arsenal net to give the Cherries the lead and an exceedingly rare league double over the Gunners.

Arsenal have dropped points in four of their last five Premier League matches, crashing out of the title race and into the advancing clutches of the teams below. We shudder at the discourse when they finish below second place and get bounced from the Champions League. Netflix might need to become their shirt sponsor.

Brighton 1 Newcastle 1

Yankuba Minteh danced past his former teammates, with Dan Burn only able to intervene enough to deflect his shot into the net to give Brighton a 1-0 lead in the 28th minute.

Desperate for points in their Champions League pursuit, Newcastle repeatedly charged into the attacking third to little avail. Twice they saw penalty shouts overturned by VAR, but a Yasin Ayari handball left no ambiguity in the match’s dying stages, and Alexander Isak comfortably dispatched a spot kick he had prepared for three times.

The point, though disappointing, could prove vital to the Magpies in a five-team photo finish for European places.

Brentford 4 Manchester United 3

We were both relieved and delighted to learn that Mason Mount still exists, with the once-prolific and oft-injured English midfielder opening the scoring from a Garnacho cross in the 14th minute. But the United celebrations would be short-lived, as Brentford rattled off four goals in succession, including two Kevin Schade headers and Yoanne Wissa’s 18th of the season.

Amorim’s side demonstrated its resilience once again. Garnacho cut the deficit to two in the 82nd minute with a curling right-footed effort. Amad Diallo, back from injury, sliced in from the right flank to fire a left-footed shot through the legs of Mark Flekken from distance. It was ultimately too little, too late for United, though Diallo’s return and the comeback attempt by a heavily rotated side will encourage them ahead of the Europa League second leg.

West Ham 1 Spurs 1

A 17th-versus-16th yuckfest lived up to the billing, as Wilson Odobert opened the scoring in the 15th minute from a calamitous Max Kilman mistake. Jarrod Bowen, ever the bright spot in the darkness of a shocking West Ham campaign, equalized in the 28th.

The match was goalless from there. The less said about it, the better. Is the end near for both Potter and Postecoglou?

Chelsea 3 Liverpool 1

As is tradition, Chelsea provided a guard of honor for the champions’ arrival on the pitch, and that would be the match’s highlight for Liverpool. The Reds looked like a hungover college student, fresh off a week-long bender, who hoped to ace the final “on vibes.”

Enzo Fernandez scored within three minutes after Chelsea cut through an obliging Liverpool defense. Liverpool upped the intensity going into the end of the half but with little to show for it. Instead, Chelsea struck again early in the second, this time through an attempted Virgil Van Dijk clearance, which ricocheted off Jarell Quansah and into the net.

Van Dijk atoned in the 85th minute, heading in a corner after missing several earlier chances. But the goal was for naught, as Cole Palmer ended his lengthy drought from the penalty spot with the game’s last kick. It’s a welcome reprieve for Palmer, who found a creative way to prolong the drought earlier in the half, hitting the far post and watching the ball return improbably to sender.

The win keeps Chelsea in fifth place, just one point out of third and two points ahead of sixth. Suffocating margins.

Crystal Palace 1 Nottingham Forest 1

Perfectly symbolized by Murillo pulling up with a hamstring injury late in the second half, Forest have run out of gas in their European charge at the wrong moment.

The Brazilian center back equalized with a cheeky deflection for Forest after Eberechi Eze’s clinically taken spot kick put Palace ahead in the 60th minute. Though both sides had chances, Palace consistently looked the more threatening of the two, with an Eze curling effort rattling the crossbar in the 89th minute and Eddie Nketiah finding the back of the net from an offside position in stoppage time.

Palace’s front-footedness underscores Forest’s inability to recapture the form that propelled them to third place.

Don’t eulogize this squad just yet, though, Forest fans. Every recent result feels dire, but a glance at the table confirms the dream is salvageable. Your club sits only two points out of fifth, with matches remaining against 19th-place Leicester City and 17th-place West Ham. You could scarcely ask for better match-ups; we reckon only Southampton and 07-08 Derby County could provide more hospitable opposition. Win those two, and they have a golden opportunity against a fellow contender in Chelsea to end the year.

Palace, on the other hand, still have an FA Cup Final to contest, but their league standing looks increasingly clear.

After all, Premier League football is a sport in which teams play 38 matches and, at the end, Crystal Palace finishes between 10th and 12th. Those are the rules, no matter how rollicking the journey Palace takes to get there.

5⃣ Villareal beat Osasuna 4-2 to retain their shaky grip on fifth place. Ayoze Perez scored a brace for the hosts to extend his team-leading tally to 16.

📉 A 3-2 Valencia win over Las Palmas, buoyed by a Hugo Duro brace, dimmed Las Palmas’ hopes of survival. They sit three points from safety after Alaves earned a gritty 0-0 point against Atlético.

🥇 The worst team in the league gave Barcelona trouble, as Ivan Sanchez scored a sixth-minute opener and Real Valladolid defended that lead for 54 minutes. Then, Raphinha equalized and Fermin Lopez scored the go-ahead goal six minutes later to preserve Barca’s lead atop La Liga. Survive and advance.

🥈 Real Madrid suffered a scare of their own, but in their case, it was clinging to a lead, rather than overturning one, that proved challenging. Arda Guler opened the scoring with a thunderbolt of such immense quality that we wonder how Madrid can possibly fathom keeping him off the pitch.

Mbappe added a brace (Guler assisted one), but Celta Vigo answered with goals in the 69th and 76th minutes in a threatening second half. Credit to the visitors for giving both Barcelona and Real Madrid more than they bargained for in recent weeks.

🟢 Betis clawed back a 1-0 deficit, first through a Giovani Lo Celso equalizer in the 85th minute and then an unbelievable Antony winner in the 91st.

That’s two wondergoals in two games for the Brazilian winger who went from Harry Maguire understudy on the United wing to valuable transfer market prospect in a few short months.

Betis are just one point behind Villareal for the fifth Champions League spot.

🤝 Sociedad and Athletic played to an unsatisfying 0-0 stalemate in the Basque Derby, leaving Bilbao three points clear of fifth and four points clear of sixth in their quest to return to the Champions League.

😮‍💨 Girona’s 1-0 defeat of Mallorca on Monday afternoon gives them six points of breathing room in the battle for safety.

🥇🥈 Napoli and Inter both recorded 1-0 victories to keep their Scudetto charges intact. Giacomo Raspadori scored this beauty to seal the Napoli win.

With three games remaining, Inter sit three points behind the leaders.

📈 Como won their fifth straight match, rising to tenth in a dream debut campaign for Cesc Fabregas’s side. For the second match in a row, Gabriel Strefezza was the lone goalscorer.

⚽ A first-minute goal from Boulaye Dia was enough to see Lazio through to three points at Empoli. They’re level on points with fourth-place Juventus.

🥉 Atalanta cruised past last-place Monza, spurred by a Charles De Ketelaere brace. With a five-point gap to the fourth-place chasers, their place in Europe appears assured after a resurgence in form.

🎅🏻 An Artem Dovbyk goal saw Roma secure a vital win against Fiorentina. They’ve won three matches in a row by a score of 1-0, taking their Serie A unbeaten run to 19 games. Ranieri for Pope!

That may spell the end for Fiorentina’s Champions League hopes, as they’re four points out of fourth with three to play and three sides ahead of them in the queue.

🤝 Bologna and Juventus settled for a 1-1 draw in what could’ve been an impactful match for Champions League qualifying. Instead, goals from Khephren Thuram and Remo Freuler canceled each other out, leaving Juventus ahead by a point.

🥇 Harry Kane finally secured his trophy, but not without comical drama. Bayern overturned a 2-0 deficit with two goals in two minutes from Eric Dier (again?!) and Michael Olise, and Leroy Sane pulled them within minutes of the Meisterschale with a late goal.

With Bayern leading 3-2 in the final stages of Saturday’s match at Leipzig, the suspended Kane went pitchside to play a part in the impending celebrations…

…only for Yussuf Poulsen to score a 94th-minute equalizer to keep the champagne on ice.

Not since Arthur Blank visited the sideline with the Falcons leading the Patriots in the second half of the Super Bowl have we seen such a jinxworthy performance. But fear not Hazza, your jinx would only delay the glory, not derail it, because...

🥈 Despite a 93rd-minute equalizer from Jonathan Tah, Leverkusen could not seize all three points at Freiburg to keep their title hopes alive. Leave it to Harry Kane to seize his first title in wildly anticlimactic fashion.

Maximilian Eggestein scored a banger to give Freiburg the early lead, and the draw sees them retain fourth by slim margins.

⚫🟡 What seemed impossible is now bordering on likely. With a 4-0 win over Wolfsburg, powered by braces from Serhou Guirassy and Karim Adeyemi, Dortmund moved just one point behind Freiburg. The six-game unbeaten run in the Bundesliga—with five wins in those six—could not have been more perfectly timed, particularly with their competitors floundering.

🥉 Mainz and Frankfurt played to a 1-1 draw, with Rasmus Kristensen scoring for the visitors and Jonathan Burkardt for the hosts. Frankfurt appear a safe bet to qualify for Champions League with a five-point advantage over fifth with two to play. Mainz’s dream, however, may be over, as they sit four points out of fourth.

🛟 Heidenheim and Bochum drew 1-1 on Friday, leaving the latter four points adrift of the relegation playoff. Holstein Kiel scored a massive 3-1 win over Augsburg to pull within a point of Heidenheim for a chance to play for their survival.

📈 Nice built on their shock victory over PSG, with Morgan Sanson scoring the lone goal to beat Reims after his brace last weekend. The win moves them into fourth place.

🔵 With PSG wounded and looking ahead to the return leg against Arsenal, Strasbourg took advantage, extending their unbeaten run to twelve games. PSG fielded a heavily rotated side but still looked the more threatening side. Nonetheless, Strasbourg remain level on points with fourth.

🔴⚪ Monaco handled Saint-Etienne 3-1, with American Folarin Balogun adding a long-awaited goal. They sit one point ahead of the tangled race for fourth.

🔴🔵 Lyon dropped a critical game to Lens, leaving them three points out of the top-four picture. With two games remaining, the loss could prove fatal, though one of those games is against Monaco.

🥈 Lille and Marseille played to a 1-1 draw with Amine Gouiri scoring for the visitors and Matias Fernandez-Pardo equalizing for Lille. The draw, however, sees Lille fall into fifth.

🛟 Le Havre scored a vital 2-1 victory over Auxerre, which sees them go four points clear of automatic relegation and just one point shy of safety.

The table remains mayhem.

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 The Championship’s final day provided its customary drama, with battles for the title, playoff spots, and relegation decided in the second half. Leeds’ Manor Salomon scored in second-half stoppage time to snare the title from Burnley’s grasp, sending the away end into delirium.

Bristol City overturned a two-goal deficit with a brace from Ross McCrorie, scored in just five minutes, to claim their playoff spot, while Coventry beat Middlesbrough 2-0 to join them, thanks to two goals from Jack Rudoni. Luton Town takes the dreaded back-to-back plunge into League One.

Check out the scenes from League Two, where a late winner for Bradford City won their automatic promotion.

Can’t beat the final day in England’s lower tiers.

🇮🇹 Sticking with promotion, Pisa is officially leaning into Serie A after gaining promotion for the first time in more than three decades.

🇳🇱 Teams in your rear-view mirror are closer than they appear, Ajax. PSV beat Fortuna 4-1 with a hat trick from Ivan Perisic to pull within four points of the top of the table with three matches remaining.

🇺🇸 Inter Miami returned to winning ways after three consecutive losses, beating NY Red Bulls 4-1. Messi and Luis Suarez were among the goal scorers.

🇨🇦 Vancouver extended their unbeaten run in all competitions to ten games, beating Salt Lake 2-1 for their fourth straight win. They’re seven points clear atop the Western Conference after only 11 games, while Columbus remains atop the East after a 4-2 win over Charlotte.

🇧🇪 Union SG beat Genk 1-0 on Saturday to reclaim the lead in the Belgian Pro League from Club Brugges. The clubs are separated by a point with three matches to play.

🇹🇷 Galatasaray are closing in on the title after beating Sivasspor 4-1 behind a Victor Osimhen brace. Fenerbahce’s 1-0 loss to Besiktas sees Gala go 8 points clear at the top with four matches left.

🇵🇹 Sporting and Benfica were both 2-1 winners, remaining deadlocked on points atop the Portuguese table. They play each other next Saturday in a match that could effectively decide the title.

🇦🇷 Rosario Central beat Independiente 1-0 thanks to an own goal. The win extends their lead atop Group B to 6 points. By drawing 1-1 against Tigre, Boca Juniors fell to second place in Group A, with Argentinos Juniors taking their place after a 4-0 win over Estudiantes.

🇲🇽 Monterrey beat Pumas 2-0 to claim their spot in the Clausura playoff. Their reward is a date with top seed Toluca.

🇧🇷 Cruzeiro downed league-leaders Flamengo 2-1 with goals from Kaio Jorge and Gabriel Barbosa. Remember Gabigol?!

Palmeiras took advantage—and first place—with a 1-0 win over Vasco de Gama. Former Barcelona and Betis player Vitor Roque scored the lone goal.

🇸🇦 Al Ahli won the AFC Champions League Elite with a 2-0 win over Kawasaki. Galeno and Franck Kessie were the goal scorers, both assisted by Roberto Firmino. Firmino, the club captain who was dropped from Al Ahli’s Saudi Pro League roster in February, won Player of the Match and Tournament.

Lowkey one of the more insane storylines of the season. Long live Bobby Chompers!

Inter Milan vs. Barcelona (3:00 PM ET TUE, 3-3 Agg)

We’ll never forget Lamine Yamal’s performance in the first leg, but it makes no difference to the scoreline. Barcelona can’t lift a “Lamine Yamal Had a Generational Performance in the First Leg of the Champions League Semifinal” trophy at the end of the season. If they want a treble, they need to earn the opportunity in Milan. The week-long Yamal veneration (this newsletter a guilty participant) has provided Inter ample bulletin board material. “He wasn’t even Man of the Match,” they cry in Italian, with hand gestures flying.

PSG vs. Arsenal (3:00 PM ET WED, 1-0 Agg)

Neither side will pay much mind to their irrelevant domestic woes over the weekend. Munich is 90 minutes away. The “never won anything” jeers will only grow louder for Arteta and Arsenal should they fail to go the distance, as will the “Netflix-merchant” jabs. Put up or shut up time at Parc des Princes, where the hosts—inarguably one of the best sides in the world this season—have a 1-0 advantage.

Bodo/Glimt vs. Spurs (3:00 PM ET THU, 1-3 Agg)

To nobody’s surprise, both English favorites in the Europa League dropped points over the weekend in the Prem, but who can blame the 15th and 16th-place sides in the table for looking ahead to more important matters? Spurs head to Norway looking to protect a two-goal advantage in front of a crowd that should emit a Viking’s roar for this rare and remarkable occasion.

You have to wonder if Spurs used up their karmic trophy-craving power this season on Harry Kane’s first silverware. Will they settle for living vicariously through their Hazza?

Manchester United vs. Athletic Bilbao (3:00 PM ET THU, 3-0 Agg)

Good thing it’s not Brentford coming to Old Trafford, eh? Then United might have something to worry about. Sure, there’s the Williams brothers, but Yoanna Wissa they are not. And unless Kevin Schade is shockingly Basque, he won’t be lining up for the visitors either.

Surely United can’t cough up this lead at Old Trafford?!

🇪🇺 Betis visits Fiorentina leading 2-1 on aggregate in the Conference League semifinal. Kickoff is Thursday at 3:00 PM ET. Chelsea will look to protect their 4-1 advantage at Stamford Bridge against Djugarden. Dju’d think that would be a comfortable task after beating Liverpool.

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Bristol City hosts Sheffield United in the first leg of the promotion playoff semifinal on Thursday at 3:00 PM ET.

🇲🇽 The first leg of the Liga MX Clausura quarterfinals takes place on Wednesday, with the lower seeds hosting the higher seeds.

• Leon vs. Cruz Azul

• Monterrey vs. Toluca

• Nexaca vs. Tigres

• Pachuca vs. América

🇸🇦 Third-place Al Nassr hosts first-place Al Ittihad on Wednesday at 2:00 PM ET. With a win, Ronaldo’s side can cut their deficit to five points with four games remaining, while Al Ittihad can take a significant step toward the title. 

👋 Trent Alexander-Arnold finally ended the speculation, confirming that he will leave Liverpool at the end of the season. No better way to show love for your boyhood club than to exit on a free transfer to ink a fat signing bonus from Real Madrid. His carefully chosen words ring hollow, and many of his actions toward the fans in recent weeks and months now look at best half-hearted and at worst antagonistic.

Alexander-Arnold is likely to play under Xabi Alonso, and he’ll hope his move from Liverpool to the Bernabeu goes as well as the German’s, but we sense it could fall into the Michael Owen category.

This morning's reporting indicates Madrid want to arrange Alexander-Arnold's signing from Liverpool early, ensuring that he can participate in the Club World Cup.

❓As of yesterday, Leroy Sane appeared set to stay put at Bayern, reportedly closing in on a contract extension. Today, reports suggest he has a new agent and that the previously agreed deal could be in jeopardy.

🤝 Pablo Barrios has agreed to an extension with Atletico, which should see the Spanish starlet stay put for the foreseeable future.