PSG Just Scored Again

Champions League Final: PSG 5 Inter Milan 0

You could’ve convinced us Saturday’s match pitted fourth-tier Newport County against 2009 Barcelona. And frankly, that’s being unkind to Newport County, who surely would’ve delivered a more spirited display than Inter in defeat.

In the first twenty minutes of the Final, Inter could scarcely carry the ball over the midfield line, let alone pose an attacking threat to Donnarumma’s goal. PSG’s press was stifling, imbued with an insatiable hunger for glory at the earliest possible occasion. Ultimately, it was Achraf Hakimi who drew first blood against his former side in the 12th minute, tapping in from a Désiré Doué (get ready to hear that name a lot) cross that was enabled by an incisive pass from Vitinha. Hakimi abstained from celebrating out of respect for Inter…and perhaps because it was the easiest goal ever scored in a Champions League Final.

But Hakimi’s refusal to celebrate spared Inter no embarrassment, as PSG found the scoresheet again eight minutes later. A dizzying counterattack ended with Doué’s deflected strike beating Yann Sommer to make it 2-0. For the next 10-15 minutes, Inter enjoyed their best spell of the game, highlighted by a thumping header for Francesco Acerbi that sailed just over the crossbar. This, however, was a dead cat bounce.

PSG layered on chance after chance before and after halftime, “finally” breaking through again in the 62nd minute. Vitinha took up nearly every position as PSG broke from the back, and the Portuguese midfield maestro released Doué who calmly slotted past Sommer for his third goal contribution. Doué is the first player ever to record three goal involvements in a Champions League Final. The young Frenchman announced himself as a livewire on the world stage with a dazzling second-leg performance at Anfield, and he built on it with each successive step toward European glory.

11 minutes later, Kvaratskhelia made it four (goals and, for him, trophies this season) with a lifted finish. To recap, the Georgian played a part in Scudetto, Ligue 1, Coupe de France, and Champions League victories in the 2024-25 campaign.

Senny Mayulu completed the humiliation after playing one-twos with Bradley Barcola, as if toying with the Inter defense before bulging the net. In actuality, it would be kind to say that the goal completed the humiliation. So thorough was PSG’s domination and, moreover, Inter’s capitulation that the humiliation will probably linger and perhaps even worsen like a bad case of heartburn for days, even weeks to come.

PSG, freed from the albatross of megastars unable to win the big one, finally won the big one without them. Luis Enrique’s side was so complete, so balanced that passages like this one might include 2025 PSG alongside the 2009 Barcelonas of footballing immortality. Note we haven’t even mentioned the likely Ballon d’Or winner, Ousmane Dembele, yet, though he assisted two goals, threatened throughout, and played the defense Enrique once hoped to coax from Mbappe.

We have seldom had a more worthy Champions League victor than this year’s PSG.

🇲🇽🇨🇦 The CONCACAF Champions Cup Final was no better than its European counterpart, as Cruz Azul went all PSG on Vancouver’s ass, unleashing a 5-0 whooping that was completed by the 50th minute. We wouldn’t have thought it possible, but Vancouver’s performance was worse than Inter’s; the Whitecaps did not register a single shot on target. Worse, they didn’t register a single shot.

Man, if people actually watched the CONCACAF Champions Cup, Inter would totally be off the hot seat. Unfortunately for them, nobody does.

🇺🇸🇲🇽 In fact, the final wasn’t even the richest match in North America this weekend. That honor belonged to the Club World Cup Playoff, contested by LAFC and Club América on Saturday night. LAFC overturned a late 1-0 deficit, equalizing through an Igor Jesus header in the 89th minute. In extra time, Olivier Giroud teed up Denis Bouanga to lash home, confirming LAFC’s reservation in the Club World Cup and netting the club $9.5 million in the process. For context, winning the CONCACAF Champions Cup pays only $5 million.

🇦🇷 A 63rd-minute goal from Guido Mainero was all it took for Platense to claim the Apertura Final victory over Huracan. It’s the first-ever trophy in Platense’s 120-year history, completing an improbable run from a 6th-place finish in Group B. Look what it means to their dual managers.

Yep. Dual managers. Always something you’ve never seen before happening in world footy.

🇮🇹 Spezia amassed a three-goal lead in the second leg of the Serie B Promotion Playoff Final, but two late goals in two minutes from Cremonese made things interesting. Nonetheless, it’s Spezia who ascend into Serie A next season.

🇺🇸 Inter Miami are officially back, passing the latest test on their schedule with flying colors. Their sizzling form continued with a convincing 5-1 victory over a strong Columbus side. Messi contributed to all five goals, scoring twice and assisting thrice (the third was a hockey assist, but we make allowances for the GOAT). Pretty good player.

A few key results from California. LA Galaxy’s 16-match nightmare is over, as they finally claimed a victory on the 17th time of asking, beating Real Salt Lake 2-0. Expansion side San Diego maintained their hot start, winning 2-0 against Austin to rise to second in the Western Conference.

🇧🇷 An early brace from Kaio Jorge, scored in the second and fourth minutes, saw third-place Cruzeiro topple first-place Palmeiras. The loss drops Palmeiras to fourth, while Cruzeiro climbs to second, just one point behind Flamengo, who were 5-0 victors on Sunday.

🇪🇺 Welcome back, mostly meaningless international football. The semifinals of the UEFA Nations League kick off from Germany this week. Hosts Germany play Portugal at 3:00 PM ET on Wednesday, and Spain meets France at 3:00 PM ET on Thursday.

Bounced from the Nations League, Italy enters World Cup Qualifying on Friday with a tough opener against undefeated Norway at 2:45 PM ET.

🇧🇷🇨🇴 In slightly more meaningful action, CONMEBOL World Cup Qualifying sees second-place Ecuador host fourth-place Brazil at 7:00 PM ET on Thursday, while fifth-place Paraguay hosts third-place Uruguay. The top six teams qualify automatically, while seventh contests a playoff.

So, really, that makes Friday’s matches more interesting. Sixth-place Colombia hosts ninth-place Peru, while seventh-place Venezuela hosts eighth-place Bolivia. With four matchdays remaining, Venezuela and Bolivia are five and six points behind Colombia respectively. That being the case, we’ll likely see James Rodriguez inexplicably dazzle at another international competition.

🇰🇷🇦🇺 South Korea, Uzbekistan, Australia, and Jordan could all punch their World Cup tickets in AFC Qualifying on Thursday.

• South Korea: in with a win or draw against Iraq

• Uzbekistan: in with a win or draw against United Arab Emirates

• Australia: in with a win against Japan and a Saudi Arabia loss or draw against Bahrain, or in with a draw against Japan and a Saudi Arabia loss against Bahrain.

• Jordan: in with a win against Oman and an Iraq loss against South Korea.

🇪🇸 The European domestic season isn’t over yet (which is sort of insane)! LaLiga 2 Promotion Playoffs begin Saturday, as Almeria hosts Real Oviedo in the first leg of the semifinal. Racing Santander hosts Mirandes on Sunday.

After their keeper Mark Flekken departed for Leverkusen, Brentford moved for longtime Liverpool deputy Caoimhin Kelleher, sealing an £18 million deal.

Manchester City are reportedly interested in Wolves left-back Rayan Ait-Nouri, with Ait-Nouri likely to follow Matheus Cunha out the door to Manchester, though this time for the blue side.

Cunha might be joined in the United attack by Bryan Mbeumo, who has stated a preference for the Red Devils. There are other suitors in the race, and United will have to agree terms with Brentford.

Fortunately for United, they’re now £5 million richer, as that’s what Chelsea paid not to buy Jadon Sancho after his loan spell. Ouch, that would make the David Justice character in Moneyball blush. “That's what the New York Yankees think of you. They're paying you three and a half million dollars to play against them.” Unfortunately for United, that means they’re not receiving the £25 million “obligation”-to-buy fee — and that they’re stuck with Sancho’s heavy wages for the moment. He’ll be a tough one to offload cleanly.

Jobe Bellingham isn’t sticking around to enjoy the fruits of Sunderland’s Promotion Playoff victory. Snubbing Premier League stardom, he’s following in his brother’s footsteps, choosing to continue his career at Borussia Dortmund. Negotiations with Sunderland await.

Barcelona and Saudi Arabian sides still covet Luis Diaz in transfer rumors that just won’t go away. Between Diaz and Gakpo, it appears at least one Liverpool left-winger is set to leave the club this summer.

🇮🇹 The Italian managerial carousel continues to turn. Maurizio Sarri is apparently close to retaking the reins at Lazio just one year after resigning from—you guessed it—Lazio!

🇸🇦 Simone Inzaghi, fresh from global embarrassment over the weekend, is set to call time on his Inter career, tempted by the sandier pastures at Al Hilal. With the typical Italian names off the market, Inter is expected to turn first to Cesc Fabregas, who has declined several other overtures already to stay at Como. Other candidates include Patrick Vieira and Roberto De Zerbi.