Champions of Conference League, You'll Never Sing That!

Chelsea completed their set of European hardware, beating Betis 4-1 to win the Conference League. Abde Ezzalzouli drew first blood off a deft feed from Isco just nine minutes in. The lead did not last, though, as Cole Palmer asserted his majestic playmaking capabilities midway through the second half, providing a curling cross for Enzo Fernandez in the 65th minute and Nicolas Jackson in the 70th to flip the tie on its head.

Jadon Sancho — still trying to make his case for Chelsea to treat his obligation to buy as obligatory — and Moises Caicedo added goals to begin the celebrations early. Chelsea endured a tumultuous campaign, but it ultimately ends with Champions League qualification and European silverware for a young club that should be on an upward trajectory. They deserve a world of credit for embracing the opportunity granted by the Conference League and making the most of it.

Ugh, we feel gross saying nice things about Chelsea. Quick, get smarmy on ‘em. Of course, they won the Conference League. They have the most expensive squad in the world! Ah, that’s better. Winning a competition with no history is fitting for a club with no history. Perfect. Phew.

Anyway, “Champions of Conference League, you’ll never sing that!” should be a banger from the away support at their big six rivals next season.

🇫🇷 From bad to worse and worse again for Reims. They were thrust into the relegation playoff by a stoppage-time panenka for Le Havre. Then, they lost the Coupe de France to PSG. Now? They fell 3-1 in extra time against Metz, which drops them into Ligue 2 for next season, with the victors taking their place in the top flight.

🇧🇪 In Belgium, Royal Charleroi beat Antwerp 2-1 to confirm their place in next season’s Conference League. They better have a war chest available. We hear it takes £1.4 billion to win that stiff competition.

🇮🇹 Cremonese and Spezia played to a 0-0 draw in the first leg of the promotion playoff final in Italy. The second leg comes to Spezia this weekend.

🇺🇸 Inter Miami returned to form, guided by their superstars. Both Messi and Suarez scored a brace and assisted the other in a 4-2 win over Montreal.

A 92nd-minute equalizer from Sebastien Ibeagha snatched a point at the death for FC Dallas in a 3-3 affair at Cincinnati. The Cincinnati faithful greeted Luciano Acosta, an MLS MVP for the club, with a chorus of boos in his return. He did not appreciate it.

Somewhere, Trent is thinking, “Buddy, try getting booed before you’ve even left.” Just kidding, Trent absolutely does not watch MLS. Trent exclusively watches Jude Bellingham highlights.

🇧🇷 Despite an early red card shown to Jair Cunha, ten-man Botafogo beat Universidad de Chile 1-0, confirming their progression out of the Libertadores group stage on the sixth and final matchday.

Paris Saint-Germain vs. Inter Milan (SAT 3:00 PM ET)

The crescendo of the European season has arrived, and it pits glitz against grit in a battle of continental heavyweights.

Aside from invincibility, PSG has won everything there is to win this season, and they’ve done it in style with a balanced squad overflowing with technical ability. Undeterred by the club’s persistent failures in eras highlighted by Mbappe, Neymar, and Messi, Luis Enrique’s side has, more than ever before, looked the part of an icon. But will it be enough to secure the trophy’s safe passage from Munich to the Eiffel Tower?

Standing in their way is an Italian stalwart with a penchant for playing spoiler, having already deprived the footballing public of Lamine Yamal’s appearance on the club game’s biggest stage. Missing from Lautaro Martinez’s prolific career is a landmark moment for his club, rather than country, and the Champions League Final could provide just such an occasion to state his claim among the world’s top players.

Inter came up short two years ago against Manchester City. Will they use that experience to propel them to the European victory that has eluded them since 2010?

🇲🇽🇨🇦 You thought the Champions League was the weekend’s marquee matchup? How silly. It’s obviously the CONCACAF Champions Cup Final, pitting Cruz Azul against Vancouver at 9:00 PM ET on Sunday.

🇺🇸 Inter Miami puts its rediscovered firepower to the test on Saturday at 7:30 PM ET, hosting Columbus in a matchup of 6th versus 4th in the Eastern Conference.

🇺🇸🇲🇽 LAFC and Club America meet in LA on Saturday night at 10:30 PM ET to battle for a place in the Club World Cup. It’s not the richest match in football, but it’s up there.

🇧🇷 No rest for league-leaders Palmeiras. In successive weekends, they’ve played third place, second, and now third again, as they travel to play Cruzeiro on Sunday at 6:30 PM ET.

🇦🇷 The Apertura Final takes place at 4:00 PM ET on Sunday, as Huracan meets Platense in a matchup we all predicted at the beginning of the season.

🇸🇦 The final of the Saudi King’s Cup kicks off at 2:00 PM ET today, with league champions Al Ittihad playing Al Qadsiah. Benzema versus Aubameyang. Fire up the Deloreans we’re going back to 2018.

🇮🇹 The second leg of the Serie B Promotion Playoff Final takes place on Sunday at 2:30 PM ET, with Spezia hosting Cremonese tied 0-0 on aggregate.

🇮🇹🤌 The managerial carousel in Italy never ceases to crack us up. It’s as if every club is Crystal Palace and every Italian manager Roy Hodgson. Lose a Claudio? Hire a Gian Piero. Fire a Massimiliano? Bring back a Massimiliano. The managers don’t even have to change their apparel since they mostly wear black anyway.

All that is to say, we have some new (old) managers in Serie A:

• AC Milan are closing in on an appointment, and it’s a shocker. Massimiliano Allegri, previously gaffer at Juventus (twice), Milan, Cagliari, and Sassuolo, among others, will retake the reins.

• Gian Piero Gasparini will reportedly leave Atalanta to command the touchline for Roma. Guess those Jurgen Klopp rumors were wide of the mark. They might’ve been more believable if his name was Jurgessio Kloppi.

• Who are Atalanta eyeing to replace Gasparini? Stefano Pioli, currently of Al Nassr but previously of Bologna, Lazio, Inter, and Fiorentina.

• Antonio Conte appears set to stay at Napoli, but Juventus will likely pry him away for a second act at some point. Napoli were eyeing Allegri in case Conte left, but he’s now Milan-bound, so when that day comes, they’ll inevitably turn to Luciano Spalletti or Carlo Ancelotti.

Round and round we go.

🔵 Chelsea have won the Liam Delap sweepstakes, with the Ipswich striker choosing Maresca’s side over several other appealing suitors. Given the young Englishman’s availability on a £30 million release clause, the decision is a massive coup for Chelsea. The only reason for hesitation: is it a mistake to allow the convenience and affordability of this move to preclude them from signing the Gyokeres-level striker of which they’re so in need?

They’ll hope Delap can develop into one of the game’s elite bagsmen, and at £30 million, few can blame them. But this is Chelsea we’re talking about: naturally, the club is still in for Hugo Ekitike, Joao Pedro, and Emanuel Emegha. They’re volume shooters over at Stamford Bridge.

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

^{-Wayne Gretzky}

^{-Michael Scott”}

-Todd Boehly

🤝 Liverpool and Real Madrid have sealed an agreement which will allow Trent Alexander-Arnold to join the Spanish giant early for the Club World Cup. The deal is reportedly worth £10 million, which, even in a title-winning season, might be Liverpool’s most impressive feat of the year.